


I'll be Rude and You'll Disagree

by baeconandeggs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:32:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6813253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last word your soulmate says to you before their death is tattooed on your wrist. But Baekhyun's word is so common, he hears it everywhere, and he just wants it all to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be Rude and You'll Disagree

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you don't hate this fic too much! I tried really hard on it. I made myself cry at times over this! Massive thanks to Beta L and to M for yelling at me from afar to quit dicking around and get to it. I never would've finished this fic without you two. Saranghae ~(^^)~

You never think the last time is the last time.  
You think you have forever, but you don't.

Most people would think it was impossible for two people who were together for eight years to still be friends. But here they were, chatting up a storm in the sterile hospital cafeteria. It was comfortable and safe. Coincidentally, those were the same two words Byun Baekhyun would have used if he were asked to describe his past with Do Kyungsoo. Comfortable and safe. There were exciting and tender moments, but they both reveled in the simplicity of their relationship. Unfortunately, at the moment they were addressing Kyungsoo's most recent boy

"So. How's life with your new boyfriend? You think he might be the one?" Baekhyun said, a tad more bitter sounding than he intended, not so subtly hinting that he may or may not be a little jealous. Only a little. Of course, he tried to tone it down a notch, Kyungsoo was his best friend first, past lover second.

The latter sighed and scrunched his eyebrows at the older man, "Baek, you know I quit looking for 'The One' ages ago." He was rubbing at his wrist the same way he used to when he was uncomfortable, lying, or both.

Baekhyun had the sneaking suspicion that he was probably lying. He never was good at keeping a secret. For instance the one time their friends decided to throw Baekhyun a secret birthday party, Kyungsoo completely gave it away without actually saying anything about it.

Baekhyun wanted to ask more about this ‘Kim Jongin’, the one that stole Kyungsoo's heart right out of his hands, but he knew he wouldn't be able to hide his jealousy. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun had a long history starting all the way back to their elementary days. Little Kyungsoo was eight months younger than Baekhyun but their parents forced dinners and play dates on them. Perks of being the only youngsters in the neighborhood.

Luckily, they had a lot of interests in common. Food, anime, music tastes, those weird games you play twisting yarn between your fingers.

They became inseparable through middle school and in high school you couldn't see one without the other. Everyone in their little group would make bets on when they would actually man up and give labels to what they already acted like.

Jongdae, their loudest most obnoxious friend, bet that they would become a couple on prom night. And he won. He didn't seem too happy about it, though, when he found out that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo ended up doing the dirty after drinking the spiked punch at the after prom-prom. Jongdae's crush on Baekhyun was no secret to their group. But that was one road Baekhyun didn't want to go down. Jongdae was a great guy and all. Baekhyun just knew him too well.

Neither of them had any expectations for their future together; They both knew that they weren't each others "soulmates," and quite frankly, neither of them wanted to find them, completely content with being together. They got along so well and Kyungsoo was already considered family to his parents and older brother, they figured they would save themselves the heart ache.

But, just in case, they weren't allowed to say the one word etched into their skin, as if burned onto their wrists. The only problem was that Baekhyun's word was so common that he heard it everywhere he went.

Sure.

As in, Yeah, sure I'll go to the store. Or Yeah, sure. I'll blow you in the bathroom. Just... sure. The single most used word in the affirmative by most everyone in the world, and Baekhyun hated it. He was always careful to ask everyone he met to say Yes or Okay, just for his own peace of mind. Everyone had these words scarred into their left wrists and it wouldn’t go away. No tattoo would cover it, to amount of self scarring would get rid of it. Bawl hyung father read in the paper once that a young man cut his own arm off trying to get rid of the blemish after his wife had passed. They say that the word appeared right above where the arm was severed.

Kyungsoo was his safe zone. They had loved each other, as much as non-soulmates could, but about a year ago, Kyungsoo decided that they should break up after being together for eight years. Of course, Baekhyun was no idiot. He knew that Kyungsoo had met his soulmate in a younger man who worked in the same hospital as them. He was a surgical nurse for this really hot, but incredibly clumsy surgeon, while Kyungsoo and Baekhyun became the top ER doctors. Just recently, Baekhyun was transferred to surgery and so the only time the two got to spend time with each other was lunch, which was where they were at the present. Part of his transfer meant having to train under the all-too watchful eye of Dr. Park Chanyeol, or as the female nurses liked to call him, "Dr. Sex Me Down With Your Deep Voice"; an incredibly long, but very accurate nickname.

Baekhyun did enjoy the tree sized doctor's company, the big oaf never failed to make him laugh and he was always in a good mood with the taller man around, even covered in blood from the open heart surgery they just performed. But there was something that whispered in his head to stay away from Dr. Park. And if Baekhyun was good at being a surgeon, he was even better at self preservation. But it was difficult to ignore the not so subtle hints the giant dropped in their conversations.

It was also difficult to ignore the flowers in his locker, or the sweet little notes stuck to his clipboard showing a cute rosy cheeked chibi Baekhyun with a little green beansprout growing out the top of his cartoon hair. And right now Baekhyun is trying not to stare at his boss' cute butt while he chatted up the nurses at the front desk.

"So, you're Byun Baekhyun, right?" a smooth, deep, yet hushed voice made Baekhyun jump and drop his clip board.

As Baekhyun had been intensely staring at Doctor Park's ass, the sudden sound made him throw his files, the papers flying in the air.

With mumbled profanities, Baekhyun bent to pick up the file fillings. The tanned hands that helped lift the sheets were rough and manly compared to his own too long, too thin fingers. They were the kind that you would see on a pianist or maybe on a hand model for the latest cellphone. Pale skin and well manicured nails, bordering on the edge of acceptable for a surgical nurse.

The intern was taller than Baekhyun, long arms hanging awkwardly at his sides, as if he had yet to get used to the length of them. His skin was what Baekhyun could only described as the color of a summer day, (and he would bet that it was just as warm).

Straightening himself out to his full height, (No, he will not admit to maybe standing on his tippy toes. Even if it was only a little bit...) he looked the man in the face. He was wearing a lazy smile that was the complete opposite of the subtle sex appeal vibe he gave off, but his dark eyes shimmered like stars on a clear night. And the collarbones that peeked out from the shallow V neck of the violet scrubs made his mouth water because he might have a thing for deep collarbones. Sue him.

He must have been staring too long because he watched a light blush rise up the mans neck and he emitted a nervous cough.

"I’m guessing from your reaction, you are the Baekhyun I’m looking for?" the man asked again.

Baekhyun slowly nodded, noticing the mans eyes look over his shoulder and squint with a mischievous smile.

He crossed his arms and said louder than his previous question, "You're a lot cuter than what everyone says in ER."

With a questioning look, Baekhyun made to turn around to see what the nurses reason for being so loud was, but his guest put his arm over Baekhyun's shoulder and lead him down the hallway.

When they were far enough away, the taller man stopped and bowed in front of Baekhyun, apologizing.

"I'm sorry, Baekhyun-ssi. Kyungsoo told me to do something like that if the circumstances were right. And they were. Please, forgive me!"

A slightly embarrassed Baekhyun pulled the boy into an upright position, (not an easy task because he had at least thirty pounds on the smaller man,) "Yeah, yeah of course...?" Baekhyun fished for the males name.

With another over zealous bow, the boy informed Baekhyun that he was his ex-lover's new boyfriend, Kim Jongin. Not in so many words though.  
Shocked, Baekhyun stared slack jawed at the man. Kyungsoo told him a lot about Kim Jongin but he never gave Baekhyun a physical description. He could see why Soo was attracted to Jongin, physically at least.

"Can I call you hyung? Kyungsoo-hyung told me you were older than both of us. I want us to be friends!"

Baekhyun stepped back slightly in surprise. He has heard that the boy Kyungsoo had set his sights on was quiet and gentle, but everything that has happened in the last five minutes seemed to say otherwise. "Uh, look, Jongin-"

"Oh, He also said to tell you he's sorry but he had a walk in appointment and wasn't going to be able to join you for lunch. He hoped you would understand."

"Yeah, that's fine," Baekhyun said, trying to get a word in edgewise. "But Jongin-"

"Don't worry Hyung, I'll eat lunch with you. I just finished my shift and I have a couple hours before I need to get to class, so we can go wherever you want to eat. Do you want to take your car or-"

"Jongin!" Baekhyun said, bringing his hands up to his shoulders, effectively stopping his rambling. "Look, I think you're a nice kid and I know Kyungsoo sent you to get me, but I really don't think now is the best time to get to know each other."

The tall boys face fell slightly as Baekhyun lowered his arms back to his sides. "I just have a lot going on right now, with the transfer and my brothers wedding, and I just don’t think that I'll have much time in the near future."

"Oh. Well, that's ok. We can get to know each other when everything calms down a little bit, right?" Jongin ran his hand nervously through his hair, flashing the word scar briefly. It looked like FINE but Baekhyun couldn’t be positive.

Baekhyun sighed inwardly. He didn't want to get to know this boy, to be quite honest. He didn't want to think of Kyungsoo looking at this boy the way he had looked at Baekhyun for all those years, or taking him to places he had always considered "theirs", or giving /him/ more attention then his own best friend.

He would never admit to being jealous, but only because that would be admitting that what him and Kyungsoo once had was now over forever.

"I don't know, Jongin." He finally said, and the interns face finally lost the last trace of the smile he had held for the entire conversation. "Oh." was all he said, turning his head slightly downwards to the vinyl tile floor, shoes leaving light scuff marks as he shyly moved his feet in and out.

"Um," Baekhyun said, moving away slightly and glancing at his watch, "well, I have to get to an appointment. Just tell Soo to call me later, kay?"

Jongin looked up gently, not meeting the nurses eyes, "Yeah, I will."

Baekhyun walked away briskly, feeling uneasy at the meeting he had just had. He couldn't explain why he felt so terrible, like he was walking away from a puppy he had just kicked, and tried to push the feeling away as he made his way to his next appointment.

He would never admit to being jealous, but only because that would be admitting that what him and Kyungsoo once had was now over forever.

"I don't know, Jongin." He finally said, and the interns face finally lost the last trace of the smile he had held for the entire conversation. "Oh." was all he said, turning his head slightly downwards to the vinyl tile floor, shoes leaving light scuff marks as he shyly moved his feet in and out.

"Um," Baekhyun said, moving away slightly and glancing at his watch, "well, I have to get to an appointment. Just tell Soo to call me later, kay?"

Jongin looked up gently, not meeting the surgeon's eyes, "yeah, I will."

Baekhyun walked away briskly, feeling uneasy at the meeting he had just had. He couldn't explain why he felt so terrible, like he was walking away from a puppy he had just kicked, and tried to push the feeling away as he made his way to his next appointment.

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Finally he had a break. Baekhyun had been there since six this morning and it’s been nonstop patients for thirteen hours. He headed to the old break room where they had beds so he could try to get at least an hour nap. He found the door and didn’t bother turning the lights on as he shut it behind him pulling off his scrub top. Baekhyun came to this room often enough to be able to find his way around in the dark so he shuffled to the bed pushed into the corner and flopped down on the edge. He was so exhausted….

He felt warm hands wrap themselves tightly around his waist in a protective hold and he could feel himself falling asleep in the comfort they gave him. He smiled as he felt a nose tickling the back of his neck, brushing the light hairs with his breath.

Baekhyun froze. Why was there warm arms around his waist? And a nose at his neck? Slowly, he moved his hands down to the arms and inspected the hands trapping him in their grip. Strong hands. Big hands. Familiar hands. And as a soft, warm sigh floated across his skin, he bolted from the bed and stood as far from the figure that invaded his sleep.

Back pressed against the door, Baekhyun felt along the wall beside him for the light switch, but before he could flip the switch, the room was flooded with a harsh fluorescent lamp. Squinting from the sudden brightness, he could make out the long figure stretched across the small bed, one hand poised on the lamp.

"Baekhyun-ssi?" Doctor Park sleepily asked, rubbing a hand across his face and through his tussled hair.

"D-doctor Park! I didn't- I mean I wasn't trying to-" the nurse stammered through his sentence like he didn't spend six years in medical school getting an education. His brain couldn't come up with a valid reason as to why he was half naked, pressed up against the door as if he would force his way through the metal with osmosis.

With any luck, I would, He thought. But luck was not on his side. Of course.

Thick eyebrow raised, Doctor Park lowered his gaze from Baekhyun's face to his pale, bare chest and then settled on his scrub pant waist band where, in his struggle to get off the bed, they had pulled down on his hip on one side.

Baekhyun's face surged red as he yanked them up, well above their usual resting place, regretting all too late going commando that day.

Forcing his embarrassment down, he finally looked into the waiting eyes of the doctor... Only to have his face flush pink again from the unmistakable hungry look in the man's eyes.

"C'mon Baekhyun-ssi. You're older than me, so just call me Chanyeol, okay?" The goofy grin on the speaker's face completely different from the dark sexually charged look in his eyes from a few moments ago.

Finding it much easier to breathe now that his boss wasn't looking at him like he wanted to strip Baekhyun of his only source of protection and fuck him right there against the door. Wow okay, it really has been a while since Baekhyun has gotten a good lay if he was contemplating sex with his boss.

"Uh, Baekhyun-ssi?"

"Yes, Doct- uhm, Chanyeol?"

A long finger pointed at him, somewhere in the direction of his lower body.

"Can I have that?"

Baekhyun's eyes widened at the implication. Is he... Is he really asking what I think he is asking? He was no virgin but Chanyeol's question was so blunt and sudden. Was he really asking for Baekhyun's dick just like that?

"Are you going to come over here and give it to me, or am I going to have to go over there and take it myself?" Chanyeol's deep voice held a trace of impatience.

Oh. My. God.

Baekhyun gulped and nodded, shuffling towards the bed in a daze.

The voice broke his state of nervousness, "Well, don't just leave the blanket on the floor! I'm tired and cold. There was a reason I had asked for it."

Oh.

Oh.

The blanket, he now noticed, had a cute Rilakumma print and was awkwardly wrapped around his leg, trailing behind him pitifully as he moved. Chanyeol was asking for the blanket. Not him. For some reason, he felt a twinge of disappointment. He cursed himself for being so dumb.

Of course he wanted the blanket.

Feeling miffed at himself, and more than pissed at Chanyeol (Though, Baekhyun would argue that he was considerably more upset with the situation in general when asked), Baekhyun wadded up the blanket and aimed for the giants face. When it hit the mark, he grabbed his top and slammed the door on his way out.

He was a little satisfied with the muffled "What the shit?" from behind him.

When he opened the front door to his dark apartment, he was more than surprised to find Kyungsoo asleep on the well worn black leather couch, snoring quietly, his breaths even and steady. It had been about three months since Kyungsoo had officially moved out of the shared apartment and into the one Jongin rented two floors up, and while he wasn't opposed to the sleeping boy on his couch, he was curious as to why he was there now.

He would have to wait until tomorrow morning to find out the reason, so he moved to the hallway closet, pulling out a blanket and placing it over him, placing a light kiss on his forehead before going to bed. Not even bothering to dress in his night clothes, he was asleep before his head even hit the pillow, his dreams involving a certain giant doctor and a Rilakumma blanket.

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"Kim Jongin, I am your elder, and also your boyfriend. I am going to talk to him, and I am going to have you to be friends." There was a pause in Kyungsoo's conversation and Baekhyun could practically hear the sigh of the younger man in the kitchen. He knew all about how bossy Kyungsoo was and that it was pointless to go against him once he had his mind made up. While he waited for his friend to quit ripped into his boyfriend, he stared at the word imprinted on his wrist.

See, everyone is born with a word on their wrist and that word scrawled against their skin is the last word that their soulmate will say to them. The word most commonly used to describe the word on their wrist is 'tattoo'. But if you asked Baekhyun, he would've described it as 'scarred' or 'discolored' even. It was like someone burned the words into their skin. He'd also use the word "hideous."

His word was so common that it killed him. He doesn't like to admit it, but there was a time where he wanted to kill himself. His word was said so often by everyone around him that he became paranoid and terrified of not know who his soul mate was and also terrified of finding out who they were and it being too late. Everyone said 'sure.' It's usually a very inconsequential phrase, but it drove Baekhyun mass and to the point where he didn't want to hear anything at all.. Kyungsoo was the one who came up with the idea to ban the words. So all throughout their school years he asked his friends to not say "the word" around him and Kyungsoo had done the same. Rubbing his wrist, he thought back to his earlier days when he still believed in love.

In the beginning Baekhyun wanted to find the same kind of love that his mother and father had. He remembered when he was six years old and he had asked his parents to tell the story of their meeting. It was nothing overly romantic and his dad had accidentally spilled coffee on the shy book worm that haunted the back of the library. In the soccer captains way of apologizing he asked the book worm on a date. His dad would always laughed at this part because while he and the girl were at the restaurant, a waitress accidentally spilled his food on his lap.

"I always felt bad for ruining your date," the petite woman would laugh, "but I wouldn't change anything."

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice that Kyungsoo was standing in the door way silently watching the older boy sitting on the floor.

"What?" Baekhyun said, a little more snappy then he meant it to sound.

"Come to lunch with me," was all Kyungsoo replied, leaning against the doorway as he continued to stare.

"You?" Baekhyun said as he looked past the large eyed boy at the sleepy intern behind him. He couldn't quite get what they even had in common, but he knew that people said the same about him and Kyungsoo too.

"Well, us."

"No thanks, I'm not into the whole third-wheel thing today."

"Don't be this way, You're not a third wheel. Its just a nice lunch between three co-workers."

"Two of which happen to be in each others pants."

"Are you really going to pass up a free meal just because I prefer the company of compliant interns? I thought we were past this bitterness already."

"I'm not bitter, I'm just not hungry."

"Liar. You're always hungry. Even when you're not hungry, you've still got a bag of chips open in your lap."

"Soo-"

"No excuses. Get ready, we're leaving in ten minutes." And with that, he closed the door of the bedroom and left Baekhyun alone with his thoughts once again, this time many of them involving the removal of a certain bossy surgeon from his contacts list. But he did as he was told and began changing when the bedroom door suddenly shot open once again. "Oh, and remember to wear something nice. You never know who you'll bump into."

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Baekhyun should've known that something was going on when Kyungsoo suggested that they eat at Baekhyun's favorite grill. When they walked in, he noticed Jongin craning his head looking around as if he was looking for someone, and Baekhyun noticed when his gaze stopped suddenly. Following Jongin’s line of sight, he spotted broad shoulders in a fitted blazer facing away from them at the bar.

Realizing who he was, Baekhyun shot Kyungsoo a menacing glare. At least, it would've been menacing if Kyungsoo didn't intentionally look away from Baekhyun like he didn't know exactly what was going on.

Rushing past him, Jongin went to greet Dr. Park while Kyungsoo and Baekhyun went to find their table.

When Kyungsoo sat down in his usual seat across from him, Baekhyun whispered yelled at his supposed best friend.

"I knew you were going to set me up. I knew it. But why did it have to be him? He's my boss! He's not my type!"

The shorter man sat his chair looking unconcerned.

"Give him a chance, Baek. Who knows? You two might actually hit it off. You got to get over me sometime." To anyone else, Kyungsoo might have sounded like a egotistical ass, but Baekhyun knew he was joking.

"You two dated?" The deep voice came from behind him and Baekhyun noticed the glint of humor in his best friends eyes.

Looking over at the man who seated himself, a little to close, next to him, Baekhyun sighed and answered the question.

"Kyungsoo and I dated all throughout high school and throughout college. But we've been best friends since we were small."

Chanyeol whistled low and looked between the two friends.

"I don't think I'd ever be friends with my exes. Those girls are crazy." The doctor launched into a story about how he once complained about a girlfriends cooking and she filled his briefcase with fish cakes and rice.

"I couldn't get the smell out of it so my mom bought me a new leather case."

Jongin and Chanyeol were swapping stories about crazy exes and Baekhyun opened the Line app on his phone.

B: Soo I told you this wasn't going to work.

K: Why do you say that? You haven't given him a chance.

B: He said he's had past girlfriends, Soo. I lack female genitalia in case you didn't notice. And also, I accidentally got into bed with him. I can’t even look at him without remembering how embarrassing that whole ordeal was. You know I didn’t leave my room the whole weekend.

C: Actually I'm bisexual. I dig dicks and chicks. And I didn’t mind you snuggling up to me after work that day. I’d hoped you would comeback.

Baekhyun looked up in horror. In his hand his phone buzzed, notifying him of a new message.

K: This is a group chat btw

"E-e-excuse me I have to uh...not- be here." Baekhyun must've tripped or something when he stood up too fast because next thing he knew he was face first in the cashmere sweater-ed chest of Park Chanyeol. Despite his embarrassment, he still managed to note the wood-y masculine smell of Chanyeol's cologne, which Baekhyun found very enticing.

Pushing the taller man out of the way, Baekhyun briskly walked out of the restaurant and down the street towards home.

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"Baekhyun, open this door.” Kyungsoo’s voice was clear as he pounded on the door to apartment 203. He was met with silence, but continued talking. “You locking yourself in your apartment isn’t helping the situation. Just open the door.”

This time, he heard a soft groan muffled into a pillow followed by something hitting the door from the other side, causing him to back up slightly from the door before resuming his task. “Baekhyun, I am giving you three seconds before Park Chanyeol and I open this door and come into your pigsty of a living room. 1, 2-”

The frantic unlocking of bolts could be heard before Kyungsoo saw the messy strawberry blonde fling open the door in a panic. “Doctor Park, I can explain-”

“No need, he’s not here,” Kyungsoo said as he pushed the door open and walked into the apartment, kicking a slipper, which he assumed was what he heard hit the door a moment ago. Baekhyun always did have a flair for the dramatic. “You should be glad I didn’t bring him. No one would date you if they saw the state of this room.”

“You did.” Baekhyun muttered, making his way back to the blankets and pillows littering one end of his couch.

“I also made a mud pie in your backyard when we were five, then proceeded to share it with a stray dog. I don’t think I’m the best example when it comes to smart decisions.”

Baekhyun shrugged slightly at Kyungsoo’s attempt at making him laugh and collapsed into the makeshift adult pillow fort. “Soo, please go. I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Baekhyun, it was an honest mistake,” Kyungsoo sat beside the miserable pile of comfort, placing a hand on where he assumed was his shoulder, “He actually thought it was pretty funny. When you left, he told us how he had accidently told his grandma he was bisexual in a similar way, just without the messaging app and-”

“That’s great Soo, but can you just leave, please?” Baekhyun curled into himself under the fluffy blankets. “This is so embarrassing.” He said quietly, though Kyungsoo could clearly hear him through the multiple layers of cotton and batting.

Having enough of his pity party, Kyungsoo stood and grabbed onto the edge of the blanket covering Baekhyun, effectively pulling all of them off at once and leaving Baekhyun to shiver in the sudden chill. He crossed his arms in front of himself as he looked down at Baekhyun, “Stop being a baby about this.”

“I don’t think being mortified about professing my lust for my co-workers dick counts as ‘being a baby’, asshole.” Baekhyun bit back, placing his hands on his hips and returning his best friends glare. “How can I even talk to him without him looking at me like I’m some kind of sex fiend trying to get into his pants every chance I get?”

“I already told you he found it funny. Stop being so stupid and hiding in your apartment like a kicked puppy.” Kyungsoo grabbed Baekhyun’s phone from the coffee table and scrolled to Chanyeol’s number before handing the phone to Baekhyun. “Just call him, Baek. Ask him to go to dinner wit-”

“Hell no, Soo.”

“Fine, bring him to mine and Jongin’s apartment and we’ll watch a movie or something. I don’t care. Just do it.”

Baekhyun looked at the phone in his hand, Chanyeol’s chat pulled up and blinking cursor waiting for his next move. He honestly didn’t know if he was even able to stand in the same room as him right now, much less have a conversation with him. And what if he did text him and Chanyeol said ‘no’? Every bit of progress he had made in the last few months would be a waste of time.

“Just ask him, Baek.” Kyungsoo said softly, taking Baekhyun’s hand in his own and threading his fingers between his. “I’ll be right here, okay?”

Baekhyun let out the breath he was holding and nodded, his free hand shakily typing out his message:

B: Hey sorry about earlier, I kind of freaked out haha  
B: Um do you think we can try that again? without the awkwardness?

Baekhyun watched as the ‘Read’ appeared beneath the speech bubble followed by the three dots to show he was responding.

C: haha, don’t worry. its not the most awkward situation I’ve been in  
C: but yeah, im down if you are  
C: im free this weekend?

Baekhyun felt his heart rise out of his stomach as he read Chanyeol’s message over again. Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder and read his response. “See? I told you there was nothing to worry about.” He said, squeezing Baekhyun’s hand lightly. Baekhyun responded quickly.

B: movie at Kyungsoo?  
C: sounds great! ill talk to you about it at work tomorrow;)

“I knew everything was gonna be fine.” Kyungsoo said, standing up and pulling his own phone out. “I’ll tell Jongin to stop and get some snacks tonight on the way home. He won’t mind, as long as he gets his triangle kimbap.”

“Soo?” Baekhyun said quietly, walking to where Kyungsoo stood at the door and pulling Baekhyun’s hand into his own once more, giving it a light squeeze. “Thanks.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled lightly and flicked his forehead softly. “Idiot,” he said as he walked to the elevator at the end of the hallway.

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Normally, Baekhyun is a very clean person. But looking at his room people would have assumed he was a slob from all the clothes thrown around his room.  
Kyungsoo had been asleep on Baekhyun’s bed while the owner threw every article of clothing he owned. He wouldn’t admit to why he was so nervous or why he needed the perfect outfit for tonight, but all he allowed himself to say was that he like to dress to impress. He said as much to Kyungsoo earlier that afternoon and he was amazed at how hard the younger man could roll those owl eyes.

As he held up a white button up shirt with an ink splatter design, he heard Kyungsoo wake up with a cough. (He might have been piling clothes on Kyungsoo’s face as revenge for setting up this whole stupid thing.)

“Christ, Baek. I have to get home and clean. Jongin should already be there but he’s useless when it comes to cleaning.” He got up and started out the door, cell phone in hand. “Wear 0 shirt and your ripped white wash jeans. You’ll look fine.” And he left.

Baekhyun huffed and tossed the shirt in an empty space on his cover. Finally giving up he took the advice of his best friend.

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Much to Baekhyun's chagrin, and you Kyungsoo's delight, the movie night went very well. It was a rare occasion that four doctors in the same hospital had the day off at the same time, so in order to celebrate Chanyeol brought twelve bottles of alcohol and two packs of beer.

Not wanting to be outdone by the overzealous doctor, Baekhyun ordered tons of dukkbokki and as the night wore on the movie was forgotten and it turned into a game of who could make Baekhyun blush the hardest. Kyungsoo had the advantage being best friend and ex lover, Jongin usually just laughed at all the humiliating stories of them from middle school and college like when Baekhyun was drunk and fell accidentally pulling down a professors pants in the bathroom.

Chanyeol on the other hand played dirty and on his first turn he put his hand on Baekhyun's thigh, slowly moving it up until the nurse pushed the large hand off, ears the same shade of Jongin’s scarlet colored carpet.

The game lasted a long time and everyone got really drunk, and Baekhyun doesn't remember much about it, but he woke up wearing only his boxers spooning someone. That someone being a naked Chanyeol.

"Ch-Chanyeol! What are you-" He was suddenly pushed off the couch and clearing his head from the sudden movement, he realized that he was in his own apartment now with an unexpected guest.  
"What are you doing here? Did I- Did- Did we, like- oh my god, everything's spinning." Baekhyun put his head between knees and began to breathe deeply, which proved to be the wrong idea when he felt everything left in his stomach coming back up.

"Shit," he muttered, dashing to the bathroom to stick his face into the toilet and emptying it's contents. He couldn't remember much of the night before, though judging by the sight before him, it involved lots of alcohol and junk food- was that cucumber? He hated cucumbers.

Baekhyun groaned, sitting with his back against the wall. Why did he wake up in Park Chanyeol's arms with only half his clothes on? He had hoped he would have enough sense to not sleep with a superior while drunk, (and in the least, Kyungsoo should've stopped him from making stupid decisions,) but the proof was right there in the pile of clothes on the floor. Baekhyun groaned again and placed his head in his hands.

A knock on the door startled him. "Are you okay in there?" Chanyeol said, his voice raspy and deep from sleep and damn it, why did it have to be Park Chanyeol?

Baekhyun stood, holding the counter while he waited for his head to stop spinning, and pulled the door open, being met with a concerned looking bed-headed, shirtless Chanyeol. Shit.

"I don't think I've seen someone as small as you drink as much as you did last night," Chanyeol said, the eternal smile in the corner of his mouth even more visible.  
Dammit a super cute dimple. Shit.  
Brushing past him, Baekhyun explained that due to going to a party college he developed quite the tolerance for alcohol.  
“Oh, what college did you go to?” Chanyeol asked, following Baekhyun back into the living room.

“Well first I went to Seoul National, then I went to the states for Medical School. Kyungsoo and I went together and we roomed with two other Korean students. One is a chiropractor and the other is a neurosurgeon. The surgeon works at the other hospital across the city.”

While Baekhyun tossed couch pillows about searching for his phone, a now dressed Chanyeol went into the kitchen the to cook some breakfast. Soon the smell of cooking eggs wafted into the room where Baekhyun sat, angry texting Kyungsoo.

“I transferred from that hospital, you know. What’s his name, I might know him. I know a lot of people there.”

The guy had really been Kyungsoo’s friend, so Baekhyun could only remember his family name.

“Kim. Kim Something.” Baekhyun replied, pouring some milk and chocolate into a glass.

“Sit,” Chanyeol led Baekhyun to the table, planting him in his seat, “Kim Junmyeon maybe? Yeah I know him. His husband hates me but I like him.”

Baekhyun gave him a confused look. What could he have done to make someone hate him?

“I might’ve slept with Junmyeon-hyung once. They were on a break and they weren’t married at the time.”

Baekhyun choked on his eggs. Wiping his mouth he grumbled something about TMI and trying to eat in peace.

“I cannot believe you slept with him. He was such a tool back then. Weird. Did you know he threw panty parties in our dorm room? Then he’d go about in tiny gold shirts and fuss over everyone’s boxers, pulling the legs down if they were too short. He’d go from pervert to motherly in no time.”

There was a short silence as Chanyeol looked at his now empty plate. He looked deep in thought and Baekhyun couldn’t help but notice the little dent between his eyebrow and the way his dimpled deepened.

Baekhyun was imagining a lot of…things, but he couldn’t possibly have imagined when Chanyeol looked up, red in the cheeks, and asked “What about yours?”

What.

“What about my what?”

“You know, your panties.” And rather straight forward question for someone who looks so shy.

It was the most ridiculous thing Baekhyun had ever been asked and he’s been asked some lewd things. Besides, didn’t they wake up in only their underwear this morning.  
Instead of responding he just laughed. He laughed so hard that he didn’t even realize that he was being asked a question.

“I’m sorry-“

“No, no its fine you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought that if you weren’t doing anything we could go but if you don’t want to that’s fine. You’re my type and we seem to get along alright and I really like your personality.” Chanyeol was babbling, nervous.

Baekhyun was dumbfounded. A date? Was he being asked out on a date right now?

“Byun Baekhyun, will you go out with me?” A simple question. One that gets asked every day. Baekhyun had no problem dating someone and Dr. Park was an incredibly handsome man, especially with his hair pushed back from his forehead.

He wouldn’t admit it, but what he was really afraid of was to fall in love with him and it all turned out just to be something to pass the time.

“I’ve already talked to Kyungsoo about this. He seemed all for it. I did get the hurt-my-best-friend-and-ill-send-you-to-an-early-grave talk though. He’s really terrifying, for someone so small.”

“Honestly he’s a really great guy. Super protective. Incredibly loyal. His bark is not quite as bad as his bite though.” Baekhyun nodded with a laugh, slowly realizing that he could also be describing a dog.

Not seeing a way out of this, Baekhyun nodded. He wouldn’t say it out loud but he was really curious about dating the number hottest doctor in the hospital.

“I’ll do it but I have two conditions.” He held his fingers in a peace sign.

“Sur-“ Baekhyun cut off the reply with a finger to Chanyeol’s mouth

Looking him dead in the eye he told him to never say that word in his presence ever. He lifted his arm to show the ornate leather cuff he always wore to cover up the word.

Clearly getting the hint, Chanyeol rolled up his sleeve to show surprisingly smooth milky skin, the only blemish was the word written in white scars.

The phenomenon of this word started over two thousand years ago when, as legend tells it, a young priestess wished to the gods to give her a sign of when her soldier lover would not return from war. As a curse from the gods for a celibate priestess to have lover, the last thing her soul mate would ever say to her was cut into her skin and every generation after was inflicted with the same curse.

Personally, Baekhyun believed that it was easier to not have a heads up about when his soul mate would die but now there is an ever present sense of dread.

Baekhyun nearly laughed when he looked at Chanyeol’s word.

Please

He knew he shouldn’t laugh but it was so unexpected. His word was as common as Baekhyun’s. He filed away a mental note to be as rude as possible to Chanyeol. In a playful way, of course.

After breakfast, Chanyeol was in a very good mood and after they cleaned up the kitchen (with minimal butt grabbing on Chanyeol’s part) they parted ways and Baekhyun wondered what the hell he got himself into.

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Later that afternoon Baekhyun was definitely not sitting around his apartment, already dressed and ready to go. He was also not glancing at the clock every two seconds or checking his phone. When the planned time came around there was still no sign of Chanyeol. No texts, no calls, nothing. Fifteen minutes later, just as he was about to open the front door (He dressed up nicely and he’d be damned if he didn’t show off) a knock sounded through. Throwing open the door he was a little more than disappointed to see that it was just Jongin.

He looked a little nervous like he was the bearer of bad news.

“Oh hey Baek-hyung you look nice.” Jongin stood there with his hands shoved in the pockets of his lower slung jeans.

“I wasn’t expecting you, Jongin. What’s up?” Changing his mind about going out, he ushered Jongin in the living room.

“Oh well, I thought since both our dates were called into work that we could hang out. Maybe get to know each other?” He looked like a puppy and well, Baekhyun was weak when it came to puppies.

“Called into work? Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah and Chanyeol-hyung. Didn’t he tell you?” He hadn’t but Baekhyun knew that work was work and when you’re a surgeon you can’t exactly tell them no. He just wished Chanyeol shot him a text or something, anything.

Shaking his head Baekhyun picked up his phone and sent Chanyeol a Line message letting him know that Jongin told him he got called in. Shutting off his phone he turned back to Jongin who was now sitting on his couch.

“I was about to head out to get some food. Want to come with?”

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Baekhyun was surprised at how well he and Jongin got along. It usually seemed a bit forced with Kyungsoo there but since the night before they were more relaxed. They agreed on movies, food, clothes, and music. He did feel bad for treating him like crap when they first met, but honestly at the time, he felt like Jongin had stolen Kyungsoo from him. The night wore on and before they knew it, it was already well into the next morning. Checking his phone, Jongin sat up and stretched out his long limbs.

“Oh, I got a text from Kyungsoo about an hour ago saying he was home. I guess I better get back before he locks me out again. I really had fun tonight, hyung. Let’s hang out again properly next time.” He gave Baekhyun a swift hug and walked out the door. Baekhyun was just slipping into bed when his cell phone rang.

“Baekhyun speaking.”

“Yah, why so formal?”

Baekhyun pulled the phone back to check the caller id. It was Chanyeol.

“Hey Yeol, why are you calling so late?” He snuggled under his cover, putting the phone between his face and the pillow.

Baekhyun could hear an elevator ding over the speaker and he assumed Chanyeol was on his way home.

There was a rustling sound and Baekhyun waited for Chanyeol to speak again. When he did a couple seconds later, his voice sounded far away as if he were holding the phone away from his mouth.

“Ah hang on Baek.” Baekhyun didn’t know when they became comfortable enough around each other to give nicknames, but it felt natural. The rightness of it all scared him more than he would like to admit but at this point, after seeing Jongin and Kyungsoo so happy it made him want to feel that too.

Baekhyun was dozing off when he heard Chanyeol shut a door and say, “We should meet up tomorrow at that little coffee shop around the corner from the hospital. Would that be okay? I want to make up for bailing on you tonight.” There was a pause. “Hello? Baekhyun? Yah! Byun Baekhyun! Did you fall asleep?”

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It was freezing outside and Baekhyun's ears were frozen. He knew he should wait inside the cafe but dammit, Yeol asked to meet him here so Chanyeol should be the one waiting outside eagerly for Baekhyun to show up and grace the doctors frozen day with his warm sunshine personality. Grumbling into the thick wool scarf wrapped around his neck and shoulders, he dug around in his jeans pocket for his phone. Suddenly large itchy mittens covered his eyes.

"What the hell, Yeol? We're going to be late for work because you didn't get here in time." Baekhyun said without turning around.

"I've been watching you stand outside for like the last ten minutes, Baek. I texted you to come inside. I already had your hot chocolate, but it was getting cold, so I drank yours too." Chanyeol's light laughter tinted Baekhyun's already rosy cheeks as the two held hands on the way back to the hospital. 

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The next date they went on, Baekhyun felt it couldn’t technically call a date. They were sitting in the library while Chanyeol was writing a paper about some sort of surgery and Baekhyun sent him silly texts messages to distract him from his work. While it was funny the first couple times he knew that he needed to let Chanyeol work, so he texted Chanyeol telling him that he would see him later.

Baekhyun was unlocking his apartment door when his cell phone alerted him of a text. It was an address to a restaurant and a time to meet up. Excited for his date, he called Kyungsoo to come over and help him pick an outfit.

An hour later found Kyungsoo sitting in his usual spot on Baekhyun's bed cross legged staring at the overly fancy attire that Baek was currently wearing. 

“What restaurant are you going to? Because unless it’s a five star, you are going to look absolutely ridiculous in that get up.” 

He had searched the address on the Internet earlier and it was a restaurant called Viva Pollo. It was a nice Italian place and Baekhyun was just so nervous about the date that he was flustered. 

In the end , he borrowed a crisp white shirt from Jongin with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and wore a pair of casual black slacks that ended just above his ankles. He had just finished brushing his teeth when his phone went off with his mother’s ringtone.

“Baekhyunnie~ A little birdie told me that you're going on a date tonight! When am I going to meet this young man. Kyungsoo-ssi said he was a surgeon?” the cute cheerful voice of his mother chirped at him.

“Hello, I am fine, thank you for asking mom, how are you?” He replied sarcastically.

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him. “Yeah yeah. Is he tall though. I always wanted you with someone tall. Not that I didn’t like you and Kyungsoo together, I just feel like you need someone more manly.”

Putting the phone between his ear and his shoulder, Baekhyun picked up his room so it wouldn’t be so bad later tonight.

“I don’t know when you’ll get to meet him, Mom. And I don’t even know if we’re dating. It’s kind of just touch and go at this point. And yeah, he’s tall.”

“How tall? Like a ‘few inches taller than you’ tall, or he can rest his chin on your head tall?” 

“He can put his chin on my head.” He pulled the phone away from his ear as she squealed in delight. The woman might be in her forties but she was a teenager at heart. Baekhyun loved her dearly and was very protective of her because she was a little too care free. She was always supportive of him gay and she chatted with him about boys and everything growing up, but his father took a bit more time to get used to the idea of not having grandchildren from his youngest son.

After exchanging a few more pleasantries and unimportant things, he hung up and headed towards his date.

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Chanyeol was waiting for him in a little waiting area, similarly dressed to Baekhyun. The taller man pulled Baekhyun into a hug when he saw him and Baekhyun snuggled into the warmth of the younger mans arms.

I could get used to this.

He shook his head trying to clear the thought. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way yet. It’s too soon and what if Chanyeol changes his mind about getting into a relationship? He shouldn’t get emotionally involved until he was one hundred percent sure this was happening. 

Reluctantly he pulled away from the embrace but Chanyeol held fast to his hand. Baekhyun could tell that he was excited and it made him curious. Why was he so excited? Did he really love food this much? Has he not eaten all day so he’s really hungry?

Baekhyun was being pulled to a corner booth way in the back. He sat on one side as Chanyeol slid into the seat in front of him. The menus were already on the table and Baekhyun didn’t want to admit that he couldn’t pronounce half of the items so he settled on a ravioli. Putting the menu down, he finally realized that Chanyeol had just been sitting there staring at him with a smile he could barely contain. 

“Anyone ever tell you that you look like a psycho when you’re excited?” Baekhyun smiled slightly.

Chanyeol looked like he was about to respond when a young woman came to their table. Baekhyun assumed she was their waitress but he didn’t like the way Chanyeol’s face lit up when he saw her. 

He watched in stony silence as she reached over and tagged on his ear and he jabbed her in the side. Baekhyun also realized how bitter he sounded when he ordered his meal and a bottle wine, for himself. Why was he feeling like this so soon? He was feeling salty and bitter and he couldn’t help it. This was their date wasn’t it? Was it too much to ask for the big idiot to tease and play around with him the same way? Did Chanyeol bring him here to rub his exploits with women in his face? He sat there angrily and gave one word answers to any of the questions a concerned Chanyeol asked him. 

Heaving a sigh, Chanyeol stood and announced that he was going to the restroom, leaving Baekhyun to stew in his jealousy. He sat there patiently (sort of) as ten minutes (and half the bottle of Chardonnay) passed with no sign of the return of his so called date. 

Getting up to go see for himself where Chanyeol was, he rounded the corner to see the long lean body of the surgeon leaning over the counter in a very casual comfortable manner, talking seriously with the waitress from earlier. 

So that’s where he was. He got up so he could go flirt with the pretty waitress. Fuck this, he thought, I’m going home.

He stomped back to the table, grabbed his coat, and waved over an older woman who looked vaguely familiar. She was dressed very nicely and he assumed she was the owner. 

When she walked over, she greeted him warmly, side eyeing his untouched plate of food.

“I’m sorry, but I would like the check please? And also a take away container if you have one.”

She smiled and looked over his shoulder. He suddenly was aware of Chanyeol’s presence just behind him. Baekhyun turned around with a glare to see the waitresses arm wrapped around Chanyeol’s waist. 

He was about to insult his date but then the girl ran over to the owner, grabbing her arm.

“Eomma, this is Yeollie’s new boyfriend. Baekhyun I think.” She exclaimed with a big smile.

“Noona, why are you so impatient?” 

Noona? Eomma? Was this..? Oh God Baekhyun just made a massive fool of himself. 

Chanyeol held his hand as he introduced his family.

“Baekhyun, this is my mom and my sister, Yura. This is their restaurant.” The two women smiled and he could see the resemblance. Of course he felt like shit when they both gave him hug and Yura whispered in his ear, thank you for getting jealous. It shows you care. 

Chanyeol’s mother and sister left them to continue eating and this time Baekhyun was silent for different reasons. 

“Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have kept that from you. I just wanted to talk to noona first before she met you. She tends to be a bit too…much on the first meeting.” Chanyeol explained after Baekhyun apologized for the eighth time. 

Wiping his mouth on the napkin, Chanyeol peered over at Baekhyun who was nibbling on his noodle. 

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Baekhyun choked and fumbled for his glass.

Laughing, Chanyeol handed him a glass of water.

“That’s not the usual response I get when I ask someone out.”

With a glare, Baekhyun nodded. 

“I thought that’s what we were doing in the first place.” He was still embarrassed from making an ass out of himself but he was undeniably happy. 

Kyungsoo had told him once that if Baekhyun was too afraid to love, he would never be loved in return.

They toasted their wine to new romance.

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The next six months went by without incident. In fact everything was going better than Baekhyun could’ve ever hoped for. Possibly too well. Baekhyun felt a sense of dread that he couldn’t place.

Chanyeol was coming over for dinner tonight and everything had to be perfect. He was planning on asking Chanyeol to travel to Busan to meet Baekhyun’s family. He was nervous and excited and he didn’t really notice that there was something a little off with Chanyeol when he knocked on the door.

At work Chanyeol had lost a patient and the screams and cry from their spouse tore through him. He didn’t want to tell Baekhyun about it because that would bring down the mood, but it made him think about losing Baekhyun. At this point, Chanyeol was damn sure he was in love with the dark haired brat who stood in front of him. 

The dinner tasted bland on Chanyeol’s tongue and he knew he should’ve shown more emotion when Baekhyun wanted him to meet the family. Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to do it. They cleaned up in silence and went to the living room to watch a film that Baekhyun rented.

Chanyeol unconsciously rubbed his thumb across Baekhyun's hand, paying no attention to the movie in front of him. His mind was still on the incident from that afternoon. "Hey, Baek?"

"Hmmm?" He replied, dozing off in the late night.

"Do you really believe in the whole 'last word before you die' thing?" His fingers moved to the white lines across Baekhyun's wrist. 

"Of course I do." He said, answering without hesitation. After a pause, he looked at Chanyeol. "Don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. Or, at least I did." Chanyeol sat up as he spoke, "I mean, it's just a word, right? It's not like it can hurt anything to say it."

Baekhyun moved back slightly to look at Chanyeol. "’Just a word?’ No, it's not ‘just a word’ Chanyeol.” Baekhyun knew he was getting too defensive, but this was such an unexpected conversation to be having. “The last word your soul mate ever speaks is a little bit more important then ‘just a word.’”

“Baek, come on.”

“No, you come on. Why can't you believe that something like soul mates and fate are a part of life?”

“That’s not it-”

“So what, is ‘Forever’ just a word? Are ‘I love you’ just words?”

“Baekhyun, that's not what I said at all. Stop putting words where they don't belong.” Chanyeol was starting to get upset. He could see why Baekhyun would believe in the fate tattoos, but to feel this strongly about it seemed silly, even by Baekhyun’s standards. 

“”Why? They're just words after all. They don't mean anything. Why should you care?” Baekhyun spat the words out bitterly, getting up from the couch they were laying on.

“What, so I can never say ‘Su-’”

“Don't, Chanyeol! Don't you dare say it.”

“What, ‘Sure’?”

Baekhyun stood in stunned silence. His heart paused for a beat, as if waiting for the man across from him to drop dead where he stood. His voice was a whisper when he spoke again, as if speaking too loudly would cause the final blow, “Stop it, Chanyeol.”

“Stop what, Baek? Stop saying ‘Sure’? What's going to happen, Baekhyun, huh?”

“Chanyeol, I'm asking you to stop.”

“It's just a word, Baekhyun. You can't live your life afraid of a stupid word. Sure!”

“Shut up, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun placed his hands on his head, trying to keep the word from reaching his ears. If he didn't hear the word, maybe nothing would happen, and Chanyeol would be safe. He didn't know what else to do now.

Chanyeol walked to Baekhyun, pulling his hands off of his ears, “Baekhyun-”

“Get out.” Baekhyun said, closing his eyes and holding his head tighter to keep Chanyeol’s words out.  
“Baek, wait-”

“I said get out!” Baekhyun screamed as he pulled away from Chanyeol’s grip. “Get out of my apartment, get out of my life! Get out!”

Stunned, Chanyeol stood with his hands still reaching towards Baekhyun. “I didn't- I mean, I-”

Baekhyun opened his eyes and put his hands on Chanyeol’s chest, pushing hard and moving him towards the door. “Don't say another fucking word, just get out of my life!”

Opening the door, he pushed Chanyeol hard out into the hallway, the giant losing his balance and falling onto his ass. “Wait, Baekhyun-”

But Baekhyun only slammed the door in his face, leaving Chanyeol with his own thoughts. The silence of the hallways seemed louder then the scene that had just played out in Baekhyun’s apartment, and Chanyeol was speechless as he sat in front of the locked apartment. 

Baekhyun turned his back to the door and slid down to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself tightly and tears flowing freely. He was so scared. Scared that Chanyeol didn't understand the consequences of what he was doing, scared of the word that so often came up in sentences that he never felt that the people around him were safe, scared that he had fallen so deep in love, he would only shatter when everything came tumbling down. 

He was so scared that he would lose Chanyeol without warning, and he had no idea what to do.

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Chanyeol stood outside Baekhyun’s door, glaring at the smooth wood. He was acting like a child, throwing a tantrum over nothing. Not wanting to apologize but also not wanting to go home, he went up to Kyungsoo’s apartment. Once inside he immediately went into the rehashing of the events to Jongin and Kyungsoo. Chanyeol was too busy defending himself and saying that Baekhyun was being childish and selfish and stupid over the word, that he didn’t noticed the look of alarm on Jongin’s face or the tightening of Kyungsoo’s fist as he listened to Chanyeol insult Baekhyun.

He really wasn’t prepared for the harsh slap that landed on the side of his face when he called Baekhyun a particularly nasty name. The shock made his knees buckle and thankfully he was in front of a couch. He stared at Kyungsoo who was standing over him with a look of pure disgust on his face.

“First of all, Park Chanyeol, that is my best friend that you’re bad mouthing and it would do you well to shut the fuck up right now. Second, the only one here being a selfish prick, is you. Did you even ask him why he was freaking out? Did you stop and think for a minute that he might be so head over heels in love with you that he’s absolutely terrified of losing you. Did you know that he watched his older brother fall apart after his soul mate died from pregnancy complications? The only thing that saved Baekbeom was his son.” Kyungsoo glared at Chanyeol angrily. “With what you’ve just done, you’re no better than those ass holes who broke Baekhyun in high school.”

Chanyeol stopped. What happened in high school? He was going to ask but caught the warning look on Jongin’s face, and he silenced his tongue. Jongin stood up and took his boyfriend to their bedroom, out of sight of where Chanyeol sat. A few seconds later, Jongin returned alone and sat across from the giant, with a tired look on his face.

“I know you want to ask Kyungsoo a lot of questions but he’s too angry at you to think clearly. I consider Baekhyun a brother and you’ve pissed me off too but if you’ll sit there and shut up, I’ll tell you what Kyungsoo told me, okay? 

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Baekhyun sat at his front door trying to force back the bile that was making its way up his throat. He tried to forget the memories that where flashing through his mind. The most painful memories he has that he buried way in the back of his mind. Wiping away the tears that were spilling down his face, he didn’t care that the wetness smudged the concealer on his wrist that hid the rectangular shaped scars that he cut into his skin all those years ago. Unwillingly, his mind played the incident from all those years ago.

Baekhyun was sixteen again and back in school. He wasn’t very social and he was the smartest one in his class which made him the easiest target for bullies. That particular day the students received their final exam scores and, of course, Baekhyun’s score was perfect.

“What did you have to do to get that grade, Byun? Blow Mr. Kang?”

“I bet he did. Fucking twink isn't smart enough to get first place in the class.”

“I bet it's your pretty hands. Slender and long.”

“Is that your tattoo?” One of the bigger boys had grabbed his arm, roughly pushing up the sleeve concealing the word.

“Sure? What a lame word.”

“Look, he's crying. What, do you not like your word either? Sure?”

“Sure. Sure. Sure” The whole class surrounded him chanting menacingly. 

The words tumbled around in his head over and over, overlapping every sentence, every thought, until he could see and hear nothing else. 

He hated it. He hated the word, he hated the tattoo, he hated everything about it, and it was everywhere.

He needed to get rid of it.

All he could do was run out of the classroom. He hated this stupid place He hated these people. He hated this word. But most of all, what terrified him the most, was how much he hated himself. He could help what he looked like, and he couldn’t help that he was smart. And he damn sure couldn’t have helped this disgusting blemish on his wrist. He ran and ran, tears pouring down his face, school bag forgotten on the floor underneath his desk. He made it to his house and ran to his bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Searching frantically, he pulled everything out of the medicine cabinet, looking for anything to get rid of the tattoo etched into his skin. Something nicked his finger as his hands skimmed across the top shelf, and he pulled his hand back quickly, dragging the small piece of metal into the sink. The razor blade sat staring at him, as if daring him to use it. 

He hesitated only a moment before picking up the blade and pulling his sweater sleeve up to his elbow, revealing the word he keep hidden away from everyone. If he could just get rid of it, everyone would be safe. 

Pulling the blade across the word, he hissed at the bite of pain it shot through his arm, the letters staining with his blood. The cut was deep, but through the thick red, he could still make out the white lettering. Again, he pulled the blade across his skin, this time even deeper and slightly more jagged, but the word was still so visible. 

Over and over, he tried to cut away the word he hated so much, never able to get it to go away. His head was hazy from the blood loss, his fingers cold and his senses dulled to everything around him. Somewhere far off, he heard a phone ringing. His phone. 

He sat on the floor, searching through the pockets of his jeans, his blood staining the light blue fabric as he found the device. Kyungsoo’s name flashed on the screen. “Soo.” Baekhyun said, his voice weak and raspy from crying.

“Baekhyun, where are you?!” Kyungsoo’s worried voice came through the receiver, “I heard what happened in class, but I couldn't find you after school. Are you okay?”

“Soo, I think I did something bad.” The phone felt too heavy for Baekhyun to hold, his arm feeling tingly as he held it to his ear. He was tired, so tired.

There was a pause on the other end followed by a slight quiver in Kyungsoo's voice. “What did you do, Baek?”

“I'm sorry, Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun said, unable to keep the phone all the way to his ear any longer. Stars were dancing across his vision and he felt as if he were on a cloud, far away from all of the people that made his life hell. It was finally peaceful in his head. 

“Baekhyun, talk to me! Where are you?!”

“I'm sorry,” he said one last time before letting the wave of sleep overtake him as the sounds of Kyungsoo's desperate screams lulled him to sleep.

The sharp smell of plastic and antiseptic invaded Baekhyun's nose as the world around him came into focus. He was in a hospital, that much was certain. But why he was in the hospital evaded him.

He remembered the kids in his class cornering him like a dog, calling him names and mocking him for crying.

He remembered Kyungsoo screaming at him through the phone for… something. Something important. Maybe whatever he was in this room for. 

His hand was warm and he could feel the comforting fingers of his boyfriend laced through his own. With some effort, he slowly opened his eyes and took in his surroundings.

The room was empty, except for the loud vitals machine by his pillow and the chair occupied by said boyfriend, his head resting by Baekhyun's thigh as he slept. The hand he clung to tightly had thick bandages wrapped several times around the wrist. 

Oh. Now he remembered. 

His head spun slightly as he remembered fragments of what he assumed was a dream; Kyungsoo shaking him and trying desperately to wake him up, ambulances and sirens loudly piercing his ears as the EMT’s worked to stop the bleeding, Kyungsoo riding in the ambulance with him, squeezing his hand and telling him he would stay with him.

The machine beeped a bit more erratic as his heart rate sped up with his memories, causing Kyungsoo to stir a bit. He moved to look at the machine, but found himself meeting Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun started, his throat dry, and he realized he had no idea how long he had actually been here. 

“How could you?” Kyungsoo said, his voice broken with the unshed tears he bit back. “How could you do that to me, Baekhyun? Do you know how terrified I was?”

“I'm sorry, Soo-”

“No, I don't want to hear that. I never want to hear that again, because I honestly thought that was the last thing I would ever hear you say.” The tears he had held back were falling now, Kyungsoo not bothering to wipe them as he let out every emotion that was going through him. “You were dying in my arms, and I didn't even get to tell you how much I love you. Do you understand?”

“Kyungsoo, please don't cry.” he moved his bandaged hand to wipe Kyungsoo’s tears from his face. He must've been terrified and Baekhyun felt terrible for putting him through that.

Kyungsoo crawled onto the small hospital bed with him, careful to avoid his wrist and wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s torso. He just needed to be close to him, to know he was still alive. “I'm never leaving you,” Kyungsoo cried into his side, “but that means you can never leave me either. Okay, Baek? Don't ever leave me.”

Baekhyun nodded, placing a kiss into his hair and letting the fatigue take him again. “Thank you, Kyungsoo.” he said quietly as they drifted to sleep. 

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In the elevator going down to Baekhyun’s floor, Chanyeol didn’t care that he looked a mess with his hair disheveled or with the salty rears that drenched his shirt. All he cared about was getting to Baekhyun. To apologize and beg forgiveness. 

Now that he was standing outside room he didn’t know how he should say what needed to be said. He knew he couldn’t face Baekhyun so he hoped Baekhyun would hear the words he was about to say.

“Baekhyun? I don’t blame you for hating me right now. Kyungsoo and Jongin told me about it. I am so sorry. For everything. I know those words are worthless and over used but I mean them. I can’t think of any other words that sum up how much I hate myself for hurting you how I did. I love you, Baekhyun. Please forgive me?” 

Sometime during his apology, he sat down with his back to the door leaning against it. His words quieted to a whisper by the end and he sat there in silence, praying for an answer. There was a slight shuffle behind the door and it opened to show a pale Baekhyun. 

“What did you just say?” Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol with blood shot eyes. Chanyeol’s heart broke. He was such a dick.

“I’m sorry Baek. Can you forgive me?” He stood up reaching for Baekhyun’s limp hands.

Letting Chanyeol take them, he shook his head.

“No I meant before the ‘forgive me’ part. Do you really love me? We haven’t been together all that long, you know.”

Chanyeol really did. He had never been so positive about anything in his whole life.

Chanyeol pulled the smaller man to him, hugging Baekhyun tightly. 

“I love you too, Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun smiled up at him, tears still in his eyes. “But right now, I need some time. I need time and space to think about our whole relationship and what it means. Can you wait for me?”

Dropping his arms, a defeated Chanyeol stepped back out if the embrace. 

“Of course.” And he turned and walked home.

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For two weeks Baekhyun saw Chanyeol only at work. He wouldn’t let Chanyeol touch him or do anything that wasn’t work related. He also punished Kyungsoo for telling Jongin about the incident. He couldn’t stay mad at him though, Kyungsoo being his best friend and all. He could see that it killed Chanyeol to not be able to touch him or see him after work or go on lunch dates but Baekhyun felt like being petty. He doesn’t half ass anything either. 

About a week into their separation, Baekhyun was planning on going to America to visit his brother and nephew for a few days. He was at Incheon Airport about to board when he heard his name being called in a deep worried voice.

Before he could turn around he was grabbed by the shoulders and pulled to face a breathless Chanyeol. 

“Yeol, what the hell, you’re supposed to be at work. What are you doing here?” 

Chanyeol took a few seconds to catch his breath, “I heard Kyungsoo and Jongin talking about you leaving the country. You’re not doing this because of me right? Don’t drop your life here Baekhyun. If you don’t want to see me anymore I’ll transfer hospitals, I’ll move farther away, but don’t so something rash because of me.”  
Baekhyun shrugged the large hands off his shoulders.

“Why would I leave because of- Oh okay. That explains it then.” Baekhyun laughed and shook his hair out of his face. He pulled his cell phone from his back pocket and showed Chanyeol a text screen. There was a message at the bottom from Kyungsoo and all it had was the devil emoji.

“I’m assuming that Kyungsoo had something to do with this. Yeol, I’m visiting my brother in California. I’m only going to be gone for a few days but I’ll be back soon. I’ve already forgiven you. But right now, I have a plane to board.” He kissed Chanyeol on the cheek and walked through the gate, leaving a giant oaf with a goofy smile on his face.

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When Baekhyun returned it was back to work to make up for his vacation and his group wasn’t able to spend any time with each other, so they made plans to stay over at Baekhyun’s house for a night of fun and drinking. After work that afternoon they all met up and waited while Kyungsoo called for a taxi service. (No one drive their car thinking that someone else would drive.)

Outside the hospital it was storming and the passersby held their scarves over their faces to protect naked skin from the harsh winds and stinging rain. Baekhyun stood huddled in his thick marshmallow coat, wrapped up in his boyfriends long muscled arms. Turning his head, he smiled brightly up at Chanyeol's rosy face, his chilly ears almost the same hue of pink as the umbrella Baekhyun held in his hands. They had finally made up and Baekhyun was happy again. 

To their left Kyungsoo hung up his phone with a huff, the cold air sending a puff of breath into the air. 

"With this weird weather, cell services are down. Guess we will have to stand outside in that rainy wind slush and hail a cab. We should all just crash at Baekhyun's place tonight, since it's closer to the hospital. Its dangerous out here." 

Baekhyun looked at their small group of friends, amazed how in only seven months he gained a handsome boyfriend and also a new best friend in Kim Jongin. He had always claimed to be happy when it was just Kyungsoo, but now he knew true happiness. Life really couldn't get any better. 

Gathering up their things, the friends headed out into the slick wet streets. 

While Jongin made himself useful by trying to hail a cab, Baekhyun realized he left his cell phone on his desk. 

Patting the soft downy fluff of his coat he handed his favorite pink umbrella that had little bunnies on it (Chanyeol forever made fun of him for it), into his boyfriend's hands.

"Hold this, okay?" He turned towards the glass doors of the hospital.

"Yeah, okay. Sure." 

Baekhyun froze.

With a painfully slow movement, he faced his fear.

Barely loud enough to hear over the wind, Baekhyun whispered, "What did you just say to me?"

The confused look on Chanyeol's face broke Baekhyun's heart and just as the realization of the word he just used dawned on him, a huge gust of wind blew into the umbrella Chanyeol was holding, pushing him back into the road...right in front of an out of control, speeding car.

Baekhyun stared as Chanyeol's face twisted in horror. He squeezed his eyes shut and almost missed the blur of someone running past him, someone screaming a name. The rain was pouring and people were screaming, tired squealing. Baekhyun's senses were overwhelmed.

And just like that it was over.

Four hearts stopped beating that day and one heart would never beat again.

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The picture that was chosen to display at the funeral perfectly showed his beautiful smile and his happy-go-lucky attitude and the brightness of his being.

The dress shirt that Baekhyun was wearing was way to tight around his neck and with so many people in such a small room, he felt like he was suffocating. He wanted to stand up and rip the stupid tie from his neck and just go home and cry. He wanted to yell and swear and sob and curse the gods. But what he was really going to do was sit next to Kyungsoo until every person left and then Kyungsoo could finally break down. He stayed poised and stoic through the whole service and Baekhyun wished he could've copied the same mask of indifference. 

It was night when Kyungsoo’s tears finally dried and Baekhyun's suit jacket was soaked through with sorrow. 

"Thank you, Baekhyun. I wouldn't have made it through this without you."

Baekhyun just smiled sadly. They both lost someone who was very dear to them. 

"I know your parents would have loved Jongin." Baekhyun wrapped Kyungsoo, who was sitting in his living room now, in a blanket that he just took out of the dryer.

"Maybe he'll meet them in heaven or something."

Kyungsoo made a sound that sounded like a mix of a laugh and a gargle. They sat there on the cold leather couch for a few minutes in complete silence until Baekhyun sighed and went to his bedroom. 

He had never felt so useless as he did then. His best friend was hurting and this time, he would never be able to help. Baekhyun hated himself because, despite his sadness, he was happy. Happy that Chanyeol was still alive and breathing while Jongin was not. He was so selfish.

"Fucking selfish." He gritted his teeth against that pain of his now shattered knuckles. The hole in the wall that he had just punched, glared at him, empty and dark. 

The night passed on, neither one of them speaking to each other until the next morning when Kyungsoo noticed that Baekhyun struggled to hold his chopsticks with a swollen hand. 

"You need to go see him while you're there anyways. Chanyeol needs you now, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun paused in his task of putting his jacket on.  
Shaking his head letting his long bangs hang down in his eyes.

How can he need someone he doesn't even remember? Seven months of memories just gone without a trace. The one man that Baekhyun gave his entire soul to, can't even remember working in the same hospital together.

Sighing, he slipped his shoes on and headed towards heartbreak.

The head nurse in the ER just looked at Baekhyun disdainful lyrics as she x-rayed his broken hand.  
“There’s no permanent damage, but you need to take it easy. You also need to go visit him.” The nurse was like a second mother to him and he wanted to argue that there was no point, but he was too tired. He just nodded his head and put his arm in the sling.

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His heart got the better of him as he walked towards the exit doors, so he turned around and headed to the trauma floor.

The door said PARK, CHANYEOL on it with a sticker of a birthday cake next to it. Oh right. Today was November 27. Chanyeol’s birthday. 

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. 

“Come in!” a female voice called from the other side. When he opened it, he was surprised to see Yura sitting in the chair next to a sleeping Chanyeol.

“Is this a bad time, Noona?” He stood there, not knowing what to do.

Her response was patting the chair next to her. He set the flowers on the table by the door and moved to sit down. For the first minute they were silent, just watching the sleeping man, the only sounds were the heart monitor and Chanyeol’s heavy breathing. Baekhyun jumped slightly when she grabbed his hand and held it.

“He remembers things, you know. He remembers being in love and all the dates, but he doesn’t remember your name or face. It’s temporary, the doctors say he should be back to normal in a few months.” She squeezed his hand and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for loving him.” She kissed his cheek and left the room.

After Yura left the room was so quiet. Chanyeol hadn’t woken up and Baekhyun didn’t want to wake him, so he got up to leave. He didn’t see Chanyeol’s hand shoot out from under the covers and grab him, pulling him onto the bed.

He was being held to Chanyeol’s well muscled chest when he felt his hair getting damp. Bringing his hand up, he gently brushed against Chanyeol’s scruffy cheek feeling the tears that fell there.

Chanyeol’s rough voice sounded too loud in the small room.

“I…I don’t remember who you are. I’ve been told what you look like and what your name is, but I can’t place you. All I know is that I’m so madly in love with a short someone with black hair that needs a good trim. I was told that I was dating a coworker named Byun Baekhyun, and I thought, that’s weird. I’d never date a coworker. I have this weird aversion to the S-U-R-E word and I need to know if you’re the one that I love.” 

Baekhyun couldn’t tell if he was crying because he was hurt or if he was happy. He was elated that Chanyeol could remember everything they’ve done. But he hurt because Chanyeol didn’t know it was him. He could tell that Chanyeol desperately needed something to fill these gaps and that he was clinging to any hope. 

“I remembered what happened to me that day outside the hospital. They told me that man who pushed me out of the way was one of my friends. And that he…” his voice broke, along with Baekhyun’s heart.

“Kyungsoo, my best friend and Jongin’s boyfriend, is doing okay. He doesn’t blame you at all. In fact he’s proud to have loved someone so brave and selfless. All he wants is for you to get well and to be healthy.”

Taking a deep breath, he pushed away from Chanyeol and sat in the chair closest to the head of the hospital bed.

“I have never been in love with anyone the way that I’m in love with you. We’ve fought and we’ve made love, and we’ve yelled at each other and everything you did made me love you even more. From the way that you snore when you sleep, to the trouble you have picking up beans with your chopsticks.”

At this point, with all the heart felt emotions and soul bearings, they were both sobbing and then suddenly they started laughing. Baekhyun was relieved, in all honesty, that was alive. At a huge cost, but Jongin was a hero that Baekhyun will always be thankful to.

“So... Baekhyun?”

“Mhmm?”

“I know this will sound weird, but… Will you be my boyfriend?”

Of course Baekhyun was confused. They were already dating, right?

“We are boyfriends, yes, but I want to…” Chanyeol paused, struggling to find the right words. “I need to know what it’s like to…date you..now?” 

Baekhyun laughed and nodded his head, climbing back onto the bed to snuggle.

“Of course, I’ll do it on one condition.”

“Don’t say that word, right?”

Baekhyun shook his head with a smile.

“This time, don’t ever leave me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Mods' Notes: During the duration of BAE2016, we're kindly asking you to leave your reviews on [Livejournal](http://baeconandeggs.livejournal.com/31689.html). Thank you for reading!♥


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